It’s a long story. Read my book. Wait, it’s not published yet, so allow me to share a little about myself. Previously.
The shattering of a heart on the cement floor makes a loud sound when there is complete silence.~jgf
No screams. Simply more silence. I couldn’t cry. Eventually the pain hit with a wave, and I cried, my whole body numb and throbbing from the pain. Nothing was the same. In one second, my whole world turned upside down. I didn’t know what to do, the pain and heartache refused to go away, and tears refused to stop. So I allowed them to flow. I tried to pick up all the pieces.
I found some duct tape and toilet paper to wrap my heart up. I had no idea how it was supposed to be put together since I wasn’t the one that shattered it in the first place. My breath snagged on snippet of pain and I sighed a prayer for wisdom in putting it together and I started piecing the puzzle. I wrapped them all up in TP and duct tape.
I waited for the pain and tears to ease, but they didn’t so I practiced breathing deep and washed my face in cold water until it looked pasty white without red circles around my eyes. The pain, amazingly enough, was beginning to ease with my breathing exercises. Maybe today I would manage to go home without a spanking because of ‘extracurricular activities’ I’d been dragged into without my permission. I wasn’t going to bank on it though. My teachers were experts at misunderstanding me.
I wasn’t aware of how much the above experience had changed me until almost 30 years later when a sweet little boy yanked off that duct tape band aid when it snagged on our friendship. That’s when the gratitude set in. That’s when I remembered that’d I’d forgotten to take my bandage off. That’s when I found out how well my heart had healed, and whether I’d gotten it ‘right’. I had lots to be thankful for. Like that healed, but previously shattered heart. It didn’t break, but the fact he tore off the bandage without warning was something I was incredibly thankful for. I’d forgotten about it, but it had been snagging on every friendship I made (hindsight). For that, I gave give him a high five.
My heart didn’t heal properly inside and now I live my life to give my little girl the best possible life I can. My heart works, but it’s got hallways where there should be walls, walls where there should be doorways, and so on. Because of the band aid there were stalagmites and stalactites appearing in the dark; in places where I didn’t expect them so I learned to expect the unexpected. It became an obstacle course that I couldn’t run without stabbing myself so I learned the lesson from that fairy tale about the turtle and the hare. It’s not traditional, but it’s fun!
I’m alive, with my sparkles in my eyes, and a spring in my step! That means a lot to me. The pain in my heart is now finally gone. I can cry without pain, and it works to write. I do it spontaneously, like my little girl; happy go lucky and carefree. There are a lot of things as an adult I do simply to keep my little girl happy and healthy so when I can take my little girl out to play, I do so.
That’s why I chose to divorce adulthood. And become a storyteller. Share my story with the world. There are enough people in this world that teach, research, and write articles to inform. True to my little girl, I prefer to write to entertain first. Sometimes I’ll share on a subject where I’ve learned from personal experience or from someone else’s experience. I’m not here to teach. I’m not the message. I’m the messenger. I’m here to make your day a little brighter, and/or share an experience from a non-traditional perspective.
The subjects I write about vary from my every day activities to experiences (personal or other), and whether they’re ‘pop into my head’ inspiration, or something someone said that sparked something else that found it’s way into a different idea … yes … that’s what I right about. With that said some of my favorites are: personal development, health and wellness, budgeting because you got goals, living the life you always wanted but never seemed to achieve, making difficult lifestyle changes after you’re ‘stuck in your own rut’, eating healthy and delicious together, creating your own income, looking at life from various perspectives on subjects that the general public despise. For example: using an MLM as a side hustle. And last, but not least, sharing that flower growing in the sidewalk. Like, finding ways to eat healthy when the only options are junk food and slushies, moving more when you’re on the road more than you’re at home, and other crazy challenges like resetting your body on a cellular level or fasting. As long as it’s crazy and different I know how to make it fun!
Things I love that you won’t hear much about from me. Sexual relationships. Finding the balance in and out of the bedroom. Having fun and keeping your relationship interesting. Dogs. Specifically rescuing and retraining, although sometimes it’s simply the latter. I enjoy cooking and baking. I don’t have a habit of sharing my recipes on the internet. And kids. I enjoy kids, but would rather have grandkids than have my own, by now.