If there’s anything I’ve learned in my short life, it’s that people want change without changing. And all I’ve got to say is…
Sweetheart, that ain’t gonna be happening.
All I can promise you is that:
1. if things stay the same they will be getting worse. End of Story.
2. if they change, their will be discomfort, but things can improve.
3. this ones the worst. change that changes for the worse, but that’s because of #1, not because of something you actually did.
How I Know.
In a nutshell, I learned from watching the people around me as a kid. From my own personal experiences.
I didn’t agree or believe the same as they did, but they did a damn fine job of doing what they could to try and make me stay.
I didn’t stay. I had my own goals, plans for my life, plus they didn’t do anything to make me want to stay. They pushed me away.
I could’ve stayed even if we disagreed, but they didn’t agree to disagree. They didn’t respect me for my differences. They didn’t appreciate me for who I actually was. Discrimination at its finest. I was a female. I was a threat to the men. According to them. According to me, I had bigger, much bigger plans and had no interest in those men. Otherwise I’d still be there. And I’d have been content to stay. Otherwise I’d have gotten married and raised a passel of children.
I chose to take the path less traveled.
I chose to wear my rose 🌹 tinted glasses. I chose to not allow others to change my mind no matter what.
I chose to be the master of my fate. The captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
I chose to smile even when the world tried to wipe that smile off my face.
I chose a perspective on life similar to to that path less traveled.
Some of my experiences nudged me in that direction, some people were just rude enough that I wasn’t interested in joining the crowd, others refused to communicate or understand and had the same pushing away effect…most of the people in my childhood don’t agree with this. They didn’t know how I was feeling, but they didn’t ask, nor made me feel safe enough to express myself. I was busy healing and surviving. Most of the time I didn’t take the time simply because I didn’t have what it took to be able to deal with the overwhelming emotional tsunami that came with expression. I didn’t have family or friends I could trust, depend on, feel safe with. I was busy trying to take care of myself, heal, grow, learn so I could leave and find my tribe because it most definitely wasn’t here.
The longer it took to find a way to leave, the worse things got.
It was the two deepest scars that affected my ability to speak, but overtime with my healing abilities I managed to find a way to speak again.
And than someone forced me into a situation that I couldn’t get out of and ripped one of those deep scars wide open again…talk about a bloody mess. It took me almost a year to get myself back on my feet, but it didn’t take as long as it did when I was a kid because I knew what I was doing, I had people in my life that supported me 100%, and I had friends who made me feel safe. Now it’s getting easier. And words help when I write them out.
I’m so thankful I didn’t stay to become another statistic because I had an unhappy childhood. I took responsibility for myself, my life, my healing. I chose discomfort and change. I chose to rise up. To heal. To find my tribe of family and friends whether we were blood related or not. To become a healthy example what can be done with your life no matter how old you are, no matter what your past is all about, or whether you’re on your deathbed wondering if you’ll see another day, another year.
But it requires change, sweetheart. That’s the only way it’s going to happen.
Disclaimer: I share my story only to explain. I don’t need your pity. I’m happy and love myself for who I am today. Respect me, my decisions, or walk away.